Temnota všudemožně aneb Vzpomínky na depresi

4. march 2013 at 19:47 | Kirma |  Psychoráj

Stand and fight!
Live by your heart
Always one more try
I´m not afraid to die!

Stand and fight!
Say what you feel
Born with a heart of steel!

Ano, pomalu se učím mít srdce z oceli, ale není to zrovna ta nejlehčí věc. V minulosti jsem měla nespočty depresivních stavů, ze kterých jsem se dostala buď za hodinu, anebo i za několik dní. Přišly černé myšlenky a deprese už byla na světě.



A stačilo k tomu jen málo. Špatná poznámka na mou osobu, ponížení, anebo jen přehnaná melancholická nálada. Pak se kolem mě rozprostřela mlha černoty a méněcennosti. Pocit, že nikam nepatřím, že při mě nikdo nestojí a že jsem jen zbytečná osoba v tomto obrovském světě. Nemálo jsem měla myšlenky i na sebevraždu, protože už jsem vážně nevěděla, jak dál. Tak jsem vzala tužku a papír a psala depresivní povídky (žiletku jsem se neodvážila vzít ani náhodou). Pomáhalo mi to, vše, co se ve mě burcovalo jsem házela na papír a bylo mi jedno, že to nedávalo smysl (anebo dávalo?). Prosila jsem, aby tohle všechno konečně přestalo a já už mohla normálně žít bez nějakých pesimistických chvástů. Byly to sice banality, přiznávám, ale vemte si, že když trpíte komplexem výše zmíněné méněcennosti, okolí toho využívá a snižuje vám už tak nízké sebevědomí, že už to možná ani nejde, pak se ve vás přece jen něco hne.

Život mě naučil a učí. Myslím, že nějaké zkušenosti s depresí jsou občas potřeba, aby si člověk uvědomil, že nic není dokonalé. A už vůbec ne lidé. Navíc když jsem poznala lidi, kteří mě z toho jezera slz vytáhli a vzali jsi mě pod svá bedra, aby se mi už nic takového nestalo, pak mě napadla jedna věc: že nic nemusí být ztraceno, notabene naděje na lepší začátek a na obnovu svého ducha, který utrpěl těžká zranění. Jizvy ale zůstanou. Možná je to dobře, aby si člověk na ty chvilky vzpomněl a poučil se z nich, přeci jen jsou to slabší momenty v životě. A dává to sílu jít dál. A hlavně se nevzdávat. Být sám sebou takovým terapeutem, s malou pomocí okolí, pokud jsou schopni vám pomoct. Poté je tu hudba. Ta vás také dokáže vyléčit, i když tomu moc sami nevěříte. Je tu i četba, která vás dokáže od všech starostí odpoutat do světa fantazie.

Je ale potřeba dát vašemu životu novou šanci a ne ji promarnit svými činy, které nikam nevedou. A ještě je tu jedno motto: Sebevražda je jen únik od všech starostí v realitě, světlo je totiž blíž, než si člověk dokáže představit - stačí jen chtít žít.
 

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Comments

1 Awaran Awaran | Web | 4. march 2013 at 20:27 | React

Krásná píseň :)
Krásný článek. Přesně tak, stačí si třeba jen na něco vzpomenout a mám hned depresi a nebo jak říkáš, stačí jen prostě melancholická nálada a je to prostě tady.
Deprese nemám ráda -_- ale zas je neřeším řezáním. Většinou si pouštím písničky a pak se vybulím! :D

2 DK DK | Web | 7. march 2013 at 20:31 | React

Všechny únikové cesty, co popisuješ, využívám a pomáhají. :)

3 Piper Piper | Web | 16. march 2013 at 22:07 | React

Úplně souhlasím. Deprese jsem dříve mívala hodně často, teď už jen někdy, protože jsem našla způsob, jak na ně. Moc krásně napsané.

4 <LaDy MargaretH> <LaDy MargaretH> | Web | 19. march 2013 at 13:38 | React

Ahojky. Pěknej článek.. souhlasím s tebou.... a jak se jinak máš?

5 Debbie Debbie | 25. march 2013 at 13:23 | React

Mým stálým návštevníkem je teď stres, ale slečna Deprese se také někdy přidá.. :-x

6 Minu Minu | Web | 25. march 2013 at 13:23 | React

Ááá překlik ve jméně. Vlastní i blogspot s přezdívkou Debbie :D

7 Merry Merry | Email | Web | 3. april 2013 at 15:20 | React

No úplne s tebou súhlasím. Tiež mávam tieto "stavy". Neznáčam ich ale ako si napísala, sú aj na niečo dobré. Pomáha mi písanie, hudba, čítanie, ale niekedy už volím aj ostré veci... chýba mi sila..

A ako si uviedla hore aj ja chcem mať srdce z oceľa. Veľmi by mi to pomohlo a celkovo by ma neboleli záležitosti ako "debilný chalani" :D

A inak naozaj zaujímavý blog :-)

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